Reading this book will improve your life—no kidding. Just spending 90 minutes with it at your local library can change how you see the world.
Nicholas Epley, a distinguished behavioral scientist at the University of Chicago’s Booth School of Business, recounts an experience that sparked his research. Commuting by train from south suburban Flossmoor to Hyde Park one day years ago, he found himself seated next to a middle-aged woman wearing an elegant red hat. All commuters were silent, most staring at their phones, until Epley decided to compliment her: “I love your hat,” he said with a smile. She smiled back. Their conversation soon blossomed into something meaningful as the train pulled into 59th Street Chicago.
Epley recalls in his book A Little More Social that the experience was “great—surprisingly great.” It shattered his pessimistic expectations about how strangers would react to being spoken to, a mindset that had kept him isolated. That moment led Epley and his colleagues to conduct experiments on public transit in Chicago and London—and other settings—that consistently showed strangers enjoy when someone initiates conversation.
The Greek philosopher Aristotle observed over 2,000 years ago: “Man is by nature a social animal.” Epley writes that a specialized part of the brain designed for understanding others creates a “chemical bath of happiness” at any hint of positive connection. Thus, connecting with even strangers becomes one of life’s most consistently enjoyable experiences.
Epley notes that exploring these dynamics has changed how he lives his life: becoming “sociable—friendlier, kinder, and more open and honest.” Overcoming our “overly pessimistic expectations about how others will respond” is the key step. As Epley explains, we often underestimate how positively social interactions enhance well-being, leading us to choose unhappiness through isolation.
The problem is widespread: in 2020, over 27 percent of Americans lived alone; a late 2021 survey found 79 percent of 18- to 24-year-olds felt lonely. Additionally, roughly 10 percent of Americans suffer from Social Anxiety Disorder—a severe fear of social contact.
Recent research corroborates Epley’s findings. A University of Sussex professor of “the Psychology of Kindness,” Gillian Sandstrom, whose book Once Upon A Stranger: The Science of How ‘Small’ Talk Can Add Up to a Big Life was published shortly before Epley’s, shares similar insights. She states that talking to diverse people makes us more trusting and improves our perception of the world as kind.
Epley acknowledges the “infinite hours of isolation” authors face while writing. Sandstrom highlights how modern life—especially with remote work—reduces in-person interactions. Epley argues for the power of spoken conversation: “your voice communicates your thoughts more clearly” than text, though some may disagree.
Despite these nuances, Epley’s overarching message remains clear: extroversion is strongly linked to happiness and well-being. One can experience this on a city bus (Pittsburgh’s are free for those over 65), at craft beer breweries, or with grocery store employees.
Fin Colleton’s initiative, which later evolved into a national conversation project known as American Dialogues, demonstrates this principle in action during the pandemic. His approach—asking “How’s your day going?” and encouraging spontaneous conversations—has been noted for its positive impact on community building.
The clear lesson is that simple human connection—not screens—is the key to happiness.